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gracious space and nonviolent communication

7/6/2010

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Recently I had the opportunity to explore the way that Nonviolent Communication (NVC) fits with Gracious Space through a day of training by the Freedom Project.  The Freedom Project brings NVC training into prisons in the State of Washington.

Developed by Marshall Rosenberg, NVC focuses on how we can be in touch with our own feelings and needs in an authentic way.  This approach invites us to pay attention to the stories we tell ourselves and others about what is actually occurring.  “I feel betrayed,” may really be, “I am hurt by your behavior and have a story about why you did what you did.”  NVC asks us to be careful about making meaning of what we see happening around us and then treating our meaning as the truth. Rather, NVC invites us:

  • to be clear about the behavior that causes us difficulty;
  • to identify how the behavior makes us feel;
  • to define what our needs are;
  • and to request a different behavior that could meet those needs.

During the training I thought about how this approach invites one to explore the stranger within (I was surprised how hard it is for me to identify my own feelings and needs) and to learn in public by testing one’s perceptions with others.  Then, last week I spoke with a woman in New York who was wondering when we would be offering a workshop in Gracious Space in her state.  She teaches NVC and she particularly loved the element of spirit in Gracious Space because she saw that was critical as a way to open people up to be willing to look at their own behaviors.

She also identified Gracious Space as a foundational approach that would help her to expand how she works with groups.  At the heart of both approaches is taking ownership of doing the work of becoming our best selves.
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    Karma Ruder

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