AGENDA

Welcome Introductions

A few comments: What drew you to today’s session?

What questions do want to explore?

What do you want to come away believing/ knowing/able to do?

Today in two parts

Part 1 – what is gracious space and how do I create a setting that evokes Gr sp, the concept of inviting the stranger, and learning in public.

Part 2 – tools for creating gracious space, building trust, models for inquiry and deep listening

Dance floor, balcony

Why Gracious Space?

First step in a seven steps to the common good –

Environment in which conflict, ethical dilemmas can be discussed and resolved

Promotes an atmosphere of working better together, common language

We can all use some in this busy world

Invitation to slow down

1. Discovering Characteristics of Gracious Space

What does the term mean to you?

Pairs 5 minutes

Chart responses

Definition –

Spirit

We can “be” gracious space.

Sets gr space apart from other conflict res, comm, or problem solving models. Comes from a place of values, inner life.

Liz story – I had to change, be more compassionate

Gandhi – be the change you want in the world

Two main elements of spirit: Compassion moves gr sp beyond mere technique

Suffer (pati) with (com) – get into another’s shoes to understand their perspective

Curiosity doll

Deep desire to understand, willing to hang in there even if we don’t like the other person, not idle curiosity. Having curiosity puts us in the state of gracious space because we are inquiring with interest, not judgment

Curiosity continuum – End: love to know, must find out, asking questions, all the time

Opposite end: No way, curiosity killed the cat, none of my business, don’t want to seem: rude, nosy, stupid.  Middle:

Gather into three’s while standing:

What are you curious about?

How do you express your curiosity?

When do you push it down/up?

Comments, back to seats

Cultivate a spirit of gracious space

Choose how we behave regardless of others’ responses

What is your source of graciousness?

Call out a few

Cultivating a Spirit of gracious space is like being a gardener of people:

Like seeds in an unmarked packet. What will they become?  What is their sunlight, water? What do we give them to grow, nurture? 

Reflection sheet

Setting

External. Libraries, homes, offices.

What is gracious about this setting?

What is not?

Inner/outer mutual reinforcement

Warming up – like athlete or singer

Revisit characteristics

What is a take away from this morning’s conversation to create gracious space?

Add to chart

Questions about spirit/setting

Self Assessment

Circle competent

Star learning edges

What do you need from others to be your best?

Share with one other person.

Official invitation to gracious space – no dumb questions,

9:15 a.m. Revisit definition and where we are. First part of gr sp we can do on our own. “Daily gracious space.”  This next part gets into territory with others, more of a systems approach.

Invite the “stranger”

Parker Palmer

See list of characteristics – club like? Gr sp is more than that

Beyond tolerance of differences, off-leash dog area

Boy in grunge and man at Hugo House  =  Collisions of possibility. Things that wouldn’t ever happen if not get difference together.  Just like at a library. One of the “commons.”

Ppt – reasons to invite the strange

Ppt - Heifitz – this is adaptive leadership, systems approach. In complex territory.

Draw Stacy Matrix – agreement, certainty. Overview

Examples: Long Beach example – promoter, doer, curmudgeon. Community meeting – pro’s and con’s.

9:30  Think of some issues you are facing at your workplace/community right now.

Group calls out.  I plot them on chart based on these assessments:

What territory am I in?

Do you believe this to be without precedent? 

Are you trying to do something in a brand new way?

Heifitz: Is there a single authority…/Does the work require a change…

·        If yes, complex territory

Is there agreement about goals, outcomes and strategies?

Is there agreement - What needs to be done?   How it should be done?  Who is going to do it?

Are the relationships among all of the players clear and understood?

Is the future of the project predictable?  - Do you have reasonable forecasts of conditions, clarity about funding; knowledge of risk factors?

·        If yes, simple territory

Individually, think one complex issues in your workplace. Plot it on the matrix.

Is this issue simple, complicated, complex? Why? What is not agreed upon? What is uncertain?

Apply Heifitz: Is there a single authority…/Does the work require a change…

Goal in this discussion is to see the territory you’re in. Pick one complex issue for remainder of exercise.

Remember one thing about inviting the stranger:

Ppt - Role of leadership in conflict

If no conflict, either don’t have enough difference, and all but one can go home, or not enough trust to state the differences.

You’ve identified a complex situation that would benefit from diverse opinion and there may be conflict. Great. This is where gracious space comes in. Remember the spirit, remember the setting? Get those ready…

9:45 a.m.Two activities: strategy and inner preparation, like the athlete/singer

Activity One: Invite the stranger worksheet. Individually. 5 minutes on questions about strategy, including who to invite. 

Activity Two: Self reflection and writing responses to questions:

Preparing self for potentially conflict conversation.

How do you communicate in stress? With people you don’t really like or want?

 Flight or fight response?  What do you do, say. How do you think others see you?

How do you try to get leverage – get things to go your way?

How have you communicated well in stress? Keep rapport, make it work?

What did you do, say?

How do you want to communicate in the future?

With respect to this particular issue: What do you believe about these people, strangers, you will invite? Do you really want their opinion? How will you make them feel welcome, heard? What is your follow-through? How can your source of graciousness help you here?

Write a note to self…

When in a conflict or stressful situation, I used to…

Other probably saw me as…

In the future I want to …

Any want to share in large group?

10:00 a.m. Dance floor, balcony

What take-aways in general from invite the stranger? What ways to make gracious space real? Call out and chart

10:15 BREAK

10:30 a.m. Learning in Public: Trust and Tools

Thorndike quote from book

Oh the joy – what speaks to you?

Learning in public, moving from club to community, inviting the stranger, learning with self and others – learning organization

Slide - learning community

Recall the phases of learning – remember last time tried to learn something – skiing, computer program, etc.

Same happens in public. So of course there must be TRUST, and TOOLS FOR LEARNING

Trust

Nature of trust – helps gracious space to thrive

One way to define – by what’s possible when trust is present: Baylor example

Collaboration can be a measurement of trust. Without it, fear, inability to move forward, expending energy to cover-up, figure out, hide out, second guess, wait and see, worry.

Trust comes down to one key thing: information.

Three types of information build trust.

            Character – values, beliefs

            Competence – can I do it?

            Consistency – work habits, reliability

Think of it as a bank with deposits and withdrawals. Actions.

Naria example

Gibb model. Flow of information builds trust. Trust builds learning. Learning builds strong organizations.  All this happens better with gracious space.

How easily to you give your trust to others? Raise hands. Discuss.

Reflection – how trustworthy are you? What traits – character, competence, consistency

Johari Window – tool to intentionally create more trust

Review four windows:

Things we know about selves, others know. Examples.

Things we know about selves, others don’t. Examples. Range.

Things we don’t know about ourselves, others do. Examples. Range of feedback.

Things we don’t know, others don’t. Examples.

Dale example.

10:40 a.m. Johari Exercise. 5 min

Draw your own window. What would you tell/give feedback on to increase a window? Do others really know you? Are you getting the feedback you need for your job? Focus on self.

Debrief.  Ideas for building trust among team.

10:45 a.m.  Tools for learning in public: deep listening, inquiry, dialogue

Slide – continuum of conversation

Show where gracious space happens.

Review three tools for listening and learning in public. When to use, examples. All have deep listening at their base. Listening to learn, not reload. Creates a learning organization.

Practice deep listening.

Pick an issue. Who thinks things in the state are getting better?  Stand to one side.

Worse? Stand to other side.

Not sure, not changing? Stand to front.  (or Who has a rant? Who has a rave?)

Make matches – pairs.

Three minutes, then switch.

Debrief: how did it feel to be listened to and have someone interested in your thoughts?

How did it feel to be the listener?

How was it taking turns?

What did you learn? Topically, about self?

That was advocacy on the speaker’s part and listening on the listener’s part.

Move into inquiry

A word on inquiry – different types of questions

Don’t you think we should do it this way?…leading the witness questions

Why do you think we should do it this way?...opens to learning, but can be limiting to just the asker’s gaining knowledge, or one solution, or tone could be negative, defensive, prove it.

How can we best use our resources to do this job? Lifts curiosity to creativity?

Remember, not just idle curiosity, deep curiosity.

Appreciative inquiry – find out what’s working and fan the flame. More from handout.

Example, what do you like about working here? What have been the highlights in the past year? When has this team worked well together? What excites you about the plans for the future?

Back into pairs to practice appreciative inquiry.

Follow up with those questions you wanted to ask.

Five minutes each. Ask, and get response, see where it goes.

Debrief.

What were some of the questions you asked?

How did this one feel? Different from the first?

Recap: Take-aways: creating gracious space through Trust, deep listening, inquiry 

11:15 Role of risk taking and mistakes in learning (can turn this into a brief mention to save time and move to dialogue)

Fear, mistrust can block gracious space, also the fear of doing it wrong.

In complex territory, things are not simple. Mistakes will be made. Errors are part of the learning process. Recall the learning cycle. ALL FAILURES ARE NOT EQUAL.  LEARNING FROM FAILURE IS ESSENTIAL.

What do we do when we win? Hurrah!  Hands in the air.  What do we do when we goof, mess up. Hang head and avoid eye contact.

Want to invite you to take as much celebration into failing as succeeding.  Now, keep in mind this is CALCULATED risk taking and failure is only good when we learn from it. Definition of insanity is when we keep doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I want you each to think of some innovation you tried recently that didn’t work as intended.  Might have been a minor plop. Might have been a spectacular crash.  And what you learned from this mistake or attempt.

Think of it as having an accident. We have car accidents, we have skiing accident. What do we do after those accidents? What happened, we file a report.  Is everyone ok, we tend to the wounded.  Where does it hurt? We fix it, give time to heal. How can we avoid doing that again? Put in a stop sign, traffic calmers, wear helmets. We can have human relations accidents.  Look at our terminology - I stepped on someone’s toes, I put my foot in my mouth, I have egg on my face – all very personal.

One at a time, think of the thing you tried to do.  Then I want to invite you to wave your hands around and shout at the end of your story, then, “I failed!!!”  Everyone claps for you.  

So now we have practiced deep listening, inquiry and celebrating and celebrating failure.

We’re ready for dialogue.

11:20 Circle chairs for dialogue

Put the question in the middle, theme of conference:

How can gracious space help our groups/team to promote learning and the common good?

 (It’s an appreciative inquiry that blends values, behaviors, strategy, doing more with less).

Review dialogue building blocks and behaviors.

Choose a talking stick. Balance advocacy and inquiry. If you tend to talk a lot, hang back. If you tend to hang back, get up your courage to speak when moved to speak. You know that feeling?  Go fishing for assumptions. Choose a behavior to focus on.

Allow dialogue for 20 minutes.

11:45 Debrief dialogue.

1)      What topics, information did you learn?

2)      What was the experience like?

11:55 p.m. Take aways part two: tools for trust and learning in public.

Review Gracious space definition. Gracious space protocols.

12:00 p.m. Evaluations and closing.

Someone dances